The Nick Abbot Habit - Hallgatás Online

00:02 This is a global production. 00:04 Oh, it's a good one for you this time. It was early in 2022 and there was trouble in number 10. People were trying to put out the big dog and the police said that they weren't interested in investigating crimes that happened in the past. Right. 00:24 How's everything going, Bodge? 00:27 Have you ever seen anything like it in your life? 00:31 Like rats in a sack, backbenchers are pushing for the Prime Minister. What's prime about him? 00:38 The Prime Minister to be replaced amid Partygate and all of the rest of the catastrophic clan show that he is responsible for. 00:44 Ministers are reclaiming that they have taped party enforcers attempting to bully MPs. 00:50 And now the rebel Tories are threatening to release a secret recording of the government whip's blackmail threats. 00:57 The Rebel Alliance. 01:03 Senior Conservative William Ragg said that Bodger's critics were facing intimidation as part of an effort to prevent him from being ousted from office. 01:12 You believe that? 01:15 Defector to Labour Christian Wakeford said that he was told funding for a new school in his Bury South constituency would be withheld if he did not back the government in axing free meals for pupils. 01:27 What? 01:28 You've got to be kidding me. 01:31 I'll say that again in case it went too fast. 01:35 Christian Wakeford, out of the Tory party, said that he was told that funding for a new school in his Bury South constituency would be withheld if he did not back the government in axing free meals for pupils. 01:53 Wow, that's how far we've fallen. 01:56 I mean, Margaret Thatcher only snatched kids' milk... 02:01 This regime's taken their whole meal. 02:05 They left the sago pudding because nobody likes that. 02:09 It seems a cruel and unusual punishment to give kids sago pudding. I mean, what even is it? 02:16 Looks like a giant bowl of, and I'm sorry to have to say this, but this is factually accurate, looks like a giant bowl of snot. 02:24 The Times reported that Tory MPs keen to see the back of Boris Johnson have secretly recorded heated conversations with the Chief Whip Mark Spencer, as well as text messages to support the accusations. 02:36 Boris Johnson insisted on Thursday he had seen no evidence to support these claims. Is that because you haven't looked for any evidence, Bodge? Yes. 02:49 Is it because when evidence to support those claims came his way, he quickly averted his gaze to look at something else? 02:55 His solid gold wallpaper, for instance. 02:57 I can't comment on that. 03:01 Business Secretary Kwesi Kwarteng insisted that he did not think this was happening, saying that blackmail threats, as alleged, would be unacceptable. He said the Whip's job is to persuade people to vote with the government, as they have done for decades, and they try to do that by a variety of means. 03:20 But he said the idea that they'll say to an MP, well, if you don't vote with the government, then your school or your hospital won't get the requisite funds. I think that's appalling, he said. 03:33 There's so many of these ministers coming out and say, well, I've never heard of anything like that in all my days. And people who used to be in government. 03:42 I've heard so many of them say, well, that couldn't possibly happen like that. It certainly didn't happen like that in my day. Goodness me, no. 03:49 Yeah, well, it ain't your day no more, is it? I mean, the whips usually keep MPs on message and as supplicants by making notes of all their drunken, lecherous behaviours and threaten to release it to the sun if they step out of line by actually thinking for themselves. Which is what we elected them to do, remember? 04:08 Not just be a nodding dog. I mean, what's the point of an MP if all they do is vote with whatever the dear leader says? 04:16 I mean, that's not a parliamentary democracy. That's a blooming dictatorship. 04:22 I mean, it seems like a whole other level of nasty, by the way, to actually threaten children in their area if MPs don't do as they're told. I mean, that is mafia-level stuff. Absolutely. I mean, it would be a shame if something happened at that school. 04:39 Business Secretary Kwasi Kwarteng said they are serious allegations. They need to be investigated and I think there should be consequences if people have been found to behave in that way. 04:48 They need to be investigated. 04:50 He obviously didn't get the memo because Boris Johnson is saying that there's no need to investigate. 04:56 Read your emails, Kwasi. 04:59 There needs to be an investigation. Yeah, let's have an investigation so they can all say that they can't speak about the matter because it's under investigation. 05:08 Or, as a science experiment, let's put it to the people. Hands up who thinks the Bodger-Johnson regime would not blackmail their own MPs by threatening the future of children in their area if they don't vote with the government. 05:22 OK, now hands up who thinks they absolutely would do that. It's them up and down. 05:28 Overwhelming! 05:31 But Bodge says he hasn't seen any evidence of that, so it must not have happened. I mean, he's so sharp, he doesn't even recognise a party when he's got a glass of champagne in one hand, a balloon in the other and a paper hat on while doing strip charades. Disgusting. His imperial bodgeness has been battling claims that Tory critics are facing intimidation which could amount to blackmail as part of a desperate attempt to keep him in post. 06:00 I mean, my eyeballs have been rolling them. I'm seasick from rolling my eyeballs so much. 06:08 Minister after minister saying, well, I've never, nobody would ever do that to me. They wouldn't threaten me. 06:16 In the previous government that I was a member of, certainly not. No, so because it didn't happen then, it can't happen now. Right. Because, you know, that's how life works. 06:29 Conservative MP William Bragg said that he had received reports of conduct including, but not limited to, members of staff at 10 Downing Street, special advisors, government ministers and others encouraging the publication of stories in the press, seeking to embarrass those who they suspect of lacking confidence in the Prime Minister. 06:46 Is this real life or am I hallucinating? 06:49 Have I woken up in North Korea? 06:54 I mean, can you imagine if those same papers printed stories that they have to embarrass Boris Johnson? I mean, I bet they've got files as thick as Gavin Williamson. They'd have to clear some space on the internet just to publish them all. 07:09 Conservative MP William Bragg said the intimidation of a Member of Parliament is a serious matter. 07:14 reports of which, I am aware, would seem to constitute blackmail. 07:19 And he ain't no-one, William Ragg, even though you might not have heard of him. He is the actual chairman of the Commons Public Administration and Constitutional Affairs Committee. Don't ask me. I've got no idea. 07:31 But he's also the vice-chairman of the 1922 Committee. 07:37 So-called because you've got to have the attitudes of someone born on or before that date to get in. BEEP He said it would be my general advice to colleagues to report these matters to the Speaker of the House of Commons and the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police. 07:56 The Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police. What would be the point of that? 08:01 I mean, when it comes to the regime, the Met Police don't look into allegations of crimes that have happened in the past or ever. 08:09 MPs might as well put their allegations on a piece of paper and throw it into the street for all the good it would do. 08:16 And where was Bodger? 08:19 Well, he was unavoidably detained out of town. I'll get to that in a minute. 08:27 Hang about, Nick. Listen. Now, what I'm trying to say to you is this, Nick, right? 08:31 Right, some texts and tweets and such. Gerry emails, as workers cease working from home and return to their workplace this week, sales of fridges and wheeled suitcases have increased massively as the workers plan to hold after-hours parties to celebrate their return to work. They're even getting competitive, trying to see how many bottles they can fit in a suitcase. Well, my advice about that is don't buy bottles because no matter how well you stack them in a suitcase, there's always going to be gaps in between the bottles. 08:56 Buy boxes of wine. Booze. You can stack them up like bricks. 09:02 Excellent advice, I think you'll find. Archie texts, the whip's office at the Conservative Party has been accused of blackmailing its MPs into supporting Boris. Do you think there's a realistic prospect of proving blackmail in this instance? And if so, how can Cressida Dick avoid doing so? 09:18 Oh, she'll find a way. 09:22 Streatham. Hello, John. 09:24 Hello, Nick. Happy New Year. Yes. 09:27 Why not? 09:29 I've got a B and... Oh, no, we've done that, haven't we? We have. I'm going to buy your book. 09:33 Oh, thanks. I'm going to buy your book. I'm going to order it next week off a well-known website. Yes. I don't know if I can say the website. 09:40 You can. 09:41 Amazon. It's the only way you can get it. 09:43 And the reviews are great. And I'm going to buy that and two bins and a mop. 09:48 Right. Well, that sounds like a fun Saturday night in. I've got no idea what you're going to do with the bins and the mop, but what you occupy yourself on a weekend with is your business and nobody else's. Please don't tell me. 10:06 Oh, they're free country, but the police bill hasn't gone through, fortunately. But listen, I had a few serious points to make. 10:12 Oh, outside number 10? They were all wearing masks. No. 10:32 He's sort of the next generation. He's like the Steve Allens of the 20-somethings. They're YouTube stars, and they've got, like, big followings, and they interview, like, Ricky Gervais and all the celebs. Right. And he did that, and immediately after doing that, and I think it was a very brave thing to do, And, of course, once that got underway, obviously the police arrived and they started quizzing him. 10:54 The police didn't arrive at Number 10 at Downing Street. They're there already, armed up to their eyeballs. 11:04 But he dealt with it in a very way that the recalcitrant used to. Recalcitrant, yeah. That's the one, yes. But no, the main point I wanted to say is that I've done professional work with a lot of sociopaths in the past, you know, serial killers, gangsters, so on and so forth. And you can tell that there are a lot of sociopaths in the political and royal and celebrity sphere. Yes. But Boris Johnson... Takes the biscuit. 11:31 No, no, I was telling that a young boy who answered my call that he's, on the one hand, it's a very serious issue because I know people who died of COVID and it was horrific, you know, they were isolated and just imagine people not being able to see their loved ones in their funerals and so forth. Exactly. 11:52 Now, on that point, I would like to say that Keir Starmer, I was hoping, would make some hard-hitting points. And I was thinking something like listing, you know, during PMQ, saying, does the Prime Minister wish to send condolences to the families of, and then listing 20, you know... To actually say or do something to make him stop grinning. 12:13 Yes, and now this week it wasn't only Boris Johnson who was grinning, but I don't know if you saw PMQs this week, but Keir Starmer was doing these terrible one-liners that you'd see at a third-rate Soho comedy club, and it was stuff about bring your own booze. Well, I like that one. 12:32 I thought that was quite good. And I don't know whether that was written for him, well, whether it was off the cuff, but that was delivered quite well. But PMQs is a pantomime. It's a party. 12:42 They enjoy it a little bit too much because it's theatre. It's not serious. It's for show. 12:48 No, but I was just thinking that in this sort of very, like, situation with a lot of gravitas and a lot of death and heartache, Keir Starmer seems to have, like, taken on this... Who was the one who used to go, oh, shut that door? 13:00 Larry Grayson. 13:01 Oh yeah, I was going to say Frank Spencer, but that's the other one. 13:05 Larry Grayson, yes. He seems to have taken on this Larry Grayson, Frank, Spencer type, which I'm sure, you know, he was a very eminent QC. I'm sure he must have been better... 13:17 Well, if you're a QC, you're in a hushed courtroom and only you are speaking. 13:23 There isn't people bellowing over you trying to, you know, shut you up. You're on your own talking. 13:31 Yes, but you can cut through that bellowing like Tony Blair or others who would make incisive points. They'd have a bit of gravitas. And Keir Starmer does this thing where he flails his arms about and he starts shrugging like a 16-year-old schoolgirl. And I don't think with the current situation... 13:48 But the main point I want to say... Let's not concentrate on Keir Starmer's failings because there's bigger fish to fry. 13:55 No, I'm a big Starmer fan. I would vote for him tomorrow. 13:59 I would. I'm a sensible British intelligent citizen. Right. Something like this. 14:05 We found one. 14:07 Well, but the point is that despite all of the serious nature of it, Boris Johnson still, when I was watching him dancing with the leader of the London Assembly from 2013... Grinning, grinning, grinning. 14:19 Painful. 14:20 With the lightsaber, with that elderly woman. Yeah, that was interesting. He still comes across as a bit of a clown, and I think... Yeah, well, that's his act. 14:30 That's how he has got to the position that he finds himself, by sticking with his schoolboy act. 14:37 No, I know, but if we were to have had, like, a textbook, not to say anything controversial, but a textbook sociopath like Dominic Raab or Priti Patel, I think it would be, you know, 14:49 easier to get rid of them but he's just he's still got that and it's a couple of years everything just bounces right off him unless unless it's glorying the dear leader he can't hear you 15:04 And I thought the public really would be more outraged, but today they were up in Bolton and somewhere up north, and there were members of the public saying, oh, we're sick and tired of this. How long are we going to talk about parties? 15:15 And my final point would be that... We're bored of that story now, and we'll just drop it like a brick and pretend that it hasn't happened anymore because we don't want to hear about it. The stupidification of this great nation continues apace. It's incredible. So... surrounded by morons, John. 15:36 Yeah, but I just don't think that Boris Johnson, because he, you know, you can often tell with offenders, I'm not saying any of these people are offenders, but most of the offenders I met had more morals than this lot, but you can often tell through the eyes, and you know, this sort of sociopathic eyes, like Raab and Patel and Prince Andrew, they've got very bad eyes, and I will just end by saying that I can genuinely... Oh, come off it. Go on. And finally... 16:01 And finally, I genuinely wouldn't be surprised. I can see this happening if within the next couple of years, Priti Patel is on the steps of Number 10 Downing Street saying that, you know, I've taken position as head of state and she sort of, you know, engineered a coup and put Boris Johnson in custody and she's become our monarch. I can imagine that happening. She'd be stern. 16:23 Well, that's an interesting thought there, John. You leave that with us. 16:27 We're going to have to get a bigger throne. 16:31 Dominic Raab, what? Angular, tetchy, humanoid Dominic Deckchair Raab? Affirmative. And Priti Patel? 16:39 No, I don't think so. 16:42 I am not one of your fans! 16:46 But Thomas is, he says, I remember hearing you on real radio in Scotland where I was just a wee lad. You always had Elizabeth from Chatter on. Good to hear you again, says Thomas. I will, thanks very much. 16:59 Daniel emails, it's OK, no need to worry about rooting, tooting, shooting, pooting. Liz Truss has warned him off. 17:07 We're doomed. 17:09 And Louise tweets, please, Nick, no meatloaf music tonight. 17:13 Yeah, no... Well, do we have the best of meatloaf? Let's line that up right now. 17:18 How about Paradise by the Dashboard Lights? Rock and roll! 17:21 We don't have it. 17:23 Sadly, it's unavailable. Someone's nicked it. 17:26 There's a big hole in the wall where it used to be. Nothing we can do about that. Sorry. 17:30 Hot patootie, bless my soul. I really love that. Rock and roll! 17:37 Let's have... Doncaster. Hello, Martin. 17:42 Hey, Nick. Yeah, I was just wondering if you'd love to be Sue Gray, because I would. I'd have that bloke out straight away. I looked at him the other day, Nick, and he was trying to force a crocodile tears on that interview. You know what I mean? And then when he went about the Queen and then... 17:59 And then he said nobody told him about the party. And then I've listened to that Connor Burns. He gets on my nerves, that bloke. He's got a right attitude. And then Nadine Doris. You know what I mean? They're just a joke. They're excuses that they come out with. They're just unreal. And then they'll get away with it, though, Nick. They'll get away with it next week. 18:17 OK, well, that's great to know. OK, thanks a lot, Martin. They're going to get away with it. Anybody remotely surprised? No. 18:24 Fun fact about that whole Sue Gray investigation, she's not even investigating his bodgeness or any minister. 18:31 That's not part of her remit. They made absolutely, totally and completely sure about that. 18:37 Civil servants may get it in the neck. And that's it. 18:42 If you were expecting anything more than that, then you're about to be disappointed. 18:46 Oh, no. 18:47 Prepare for a disappointment. 18:51 So Bodger was on a visit to Taunton. 18:54 For no good reason other than it was far away and he got to wear a mask in a hospital to make us all forget about the times that he refused to wear a mask in a hospital. Oh, and to get his picture taken with NHS workers. You know, as a bonus to them in lieu of a pay rise. Step right up and get your photo taken with his imperial bodgeness. 19:14 And, you know, he got to point at bits of medical equipment and look thoughtful. 19:19 Excellent use of your time, bodge. 19:23 and asked about the allegations that his regime is as dirty as the Cosa Nostra, he says, I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. Absolutely. He said, I've seen no evidence, heard no evidence to support any of these allegations. He said he would, of course, look for evidence to support the claims, but No. 10 suggested there were no plans to launch such an investigation. So he's looking for evidence... 19:46 which will amount to him scanning the desk in front of him and searching through his pockets in his jacket. And if nothing comes up, that's it. Case closed. Move along. 19:53 Or it's curtains for that new hospital in your area. 19:58 I mean, I had an idea that this is how politics worked in this country, but it's not been confirmed up until this point. 20:07 Unless you, you know, take yes minister as the truth, which in quite a lot of circumstances, yes, I do. 20:18 The Times reported that one Tory MP said they were told by a whip, you're done when voting against the government last year. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but people vote for their MP because they like the cut of their MP's jib. I mean, I know that actually people vote for the prime minister that they want to do the job. They vote for their party rather than their local MP. They probably couldn't name if you set their life on it. 20:46 But that's the idea. You vote for your MP because you want that person to represent you. You don't vote for your MP because you want that person to just say whatever the dear leader of the day has told them to say. Because what's the point? 21:02 The Times reported that one Tory MP said they were told by a whip, you are done when voting against the government last year. I mean, this doesn't seem to be a government in the way that we would recognise it. It seems to be more like an organised crime syndicate. 21:15 I mean, we've had the smash and grab rate of billions of pounds siphoned off to places unknown. Friends and relations of the regime have got so spectacularly rich that if they were Russian, the police would be launching an unexplained wealth investigation. 21:30 And now they're in the keep silent or we'll nail your head to the floor stage. 21:36 Conservative MP William Wragg, one of a handful of Tory backbenchers, to have said publicly that they have submitted a letter to the chairman of the backbench 1922 committee, Sir Graham Brady. 21:47 No confidence in Mr Johnson's leadership. 21:53 He said the conduct of Government Whip's office, threatening to withdraw public funding from MPs' constituencies, may have breached the ministerial code. May have... 22:03 May have. Seriously, what good is the ministerial code? 22:07 Apart from being used as a wedge to keep the door open while they wheel in another suitcase of drinks. Booze. Christian Wakeford, the MP who defected from the Tories to Labour in protest at Johnson's leadership and the row over the Downing Street parties, said he was threatened about the loss of a school in his constituency if he did not toe the line. Wow. 22:30 The Metropolitan Police said they would consider any complaints made to officers. 22:35 A spokesman for the Met Police said, As with any such allegations, should a criminal offence be reported to the Met, it will be considered before being lost because the dog ate it or it got left at a bus stop. Either way, off you go sunshine or it's the clink for you. 22:53 They didn't say that, but would you be remotely surprised if they did? What a way to run a country, eh? Dreadful. Thomas texts. Oh, no, I've read that. 23:03 Daniel emails. I think I've read that one too. Way ahead of schedule. 23:08 How many texts and emails have I got so far? Oh, my God. It's like about three feet. If I printed them out and stacked them up, it would be about three feet so far. I'll never get through them. 23:18 David says, this week Jacob Rees-Mogg accused David Davis of being too theatrical. It did make me giggle. 23:23 Yeah, me too. 23:28 I'll talk about Smug later. Sathall. Hello, Manesh. 23:32 Hello, mate. 23:33 Mate. 23:36 What can I say? 23:38 All the stuff that's going on with the politics and everything. Where are we actually going with this, though? I... I'm just beyond, this is beyond a joke to me. 23:48 Do we know where we're going to sing? 23:53 Well, where do we stand with this character? This is a complete joke of politician. 24:01 And I'm just wondering, well, I'm going to give you one or two examples of where you think he will go. 24:14 You're going to give me an example of where I think he will go. Okay. Well, let's try one before we start promising two. Go ahead. 24:25 Well, he's going to expect this Sue Gray to come up with some cock-and-bull story about the way he feels he thinks he's not responsible... 24:40 That's not going to wash with anyone. 24:43 Or make any sense. What's the second one? 24:45 The second one is, I think, he's... 24:50 He forgot where he was just for one minute. 24:53 And he expressed himself with builder's language. Disgusting. I think that Manesh had got through, he's drunk his first suitcase, and he's on his second. Booze. 25:05 LAUGHTER 25:08 Yeah, I'm on about three suitcases of booze a day now, man, but I can handle it. 25:15 Just got a bit of a headache at the moment, that's all. 25:18 Mark texts, I've got a new hobby, Nick. I listen for the sound of a Tory MP's soul. 25:23 The sound a Tory MP's soul makes is it leaves their body. As they start defending Johnson, there's an audible crack and the light leaves their eyes. 25:33 LAUGHTER They're all up to their eyeballs in it. 25:41 Best not keep digging. 25:44 I think they're all doomed. I mean, unless Bodge maintains his grip on power, everybody that has any passing association with the regime is toast. 25:57 You won't be able to beat that stink out of your suits. 26:02 Angela emails, can you please tell me, am I going mad or did I hear someone on the radio said that you were cruising the Med at the moment? 26:08 I had to check your schedule immediately, if not sooner than that. Cruising the Med? 26:13 God, wouldn't that be marvellous? 26:17 Er, no. I can only dream of doing such a thing. 26:21 Let's have Bournemouth. Hello, Christine. 26:25 Oh, hello there. 26:26 Hello there. 26:27 Hi there. 26:28 Hello there. 26:30 Oh, gosh. What I'm saying is I do respect everything everyone says on their own personal issues and everything about COVID, vaccinations, like whatever. I've had all mine. What I'm saying is that Do you know what I want? What? Boris out. I want Tobias Elwood in. Why is that? 26:58 Because he's called Tobias Elwood. 27:01 Yeah, Tobias Elwood. What an absolute star he was, like, a few years ago when he helped out and did everything, you know, with that awful thing that happened in London... 27:15 But not only that, he's been amazing down here in Bournemouth. 27:19 Amazing? What, like science fiction, you mean? 27:22 I'm not. Hello, I'm not talking, ooh, ooh, ooh. But, no, he's, no, just somebody that just, like, tracks on, does things. And, you know, and he used to be, like, in, what was it, royal green jackets. 27:41 He would look fantastic in a green jacket. 27:44 No, don't underestimate that. I'm saying the royal green jacket. 27:49 Like royal blue, yeah. 27:51 No, no, royal green jacket. 27:53 Yeah, it goes with his eyes. 27:55 Rank of captain and whatever. 27:58 But what I'm saying is that... That is an official title, by the way. Captain and whatever. They actually write that on their sleeve. 28:08 Okay, whatever. But what I'm saying is he's an absolutely decent person. I haven't actually met him face to face. 28:14 Right, so you don't know anything about him, but... 28:16 Yes, I do, actually. He lives just up the road from me. Right. But I just know he works in a way that it's... You know, just does things very nicely around our little village and everything where we live. 28:33 Like what? 28:35 Um... 28:36 Getting the communities together. 28:38 He gets the communities together? How does he do that? 28:42 By attracting people with the colour of his jacket? 28:46 No. Some local things he does and everything, and everybody informed and everything. Right. What I'm saying is that he's a very good man. 28:59 Yes. 29:00 But based on what, though? 29:04 Is he good? 29:05 Yeah, the work he does in my local community. 29:08 We're getting the people together. 29:11 No, but in the work that he does around here, like with... 29:17 Yes. 29:18 OK, you've got me on that one. 29:20 Right, so... So you're giving his qualities based on the work that he does in your area, but you don't know anything about the work that he does in your area. 29:33 Yes, I do, but... Name one thing. 29:37 I'll make it really easy for you, Christine. Just one thing, one single thing, single solitary thing that he has done in your area. 29:44 Yes? 29:46 Oh, I'm sorry, time's up. 29:50 What a nice lady. 29:52 Would you mind telling me what this is all about? Yes, certainly, madam. It's about the degradation of this once proud nation. 29:59 Nothing important. Ashford, Milan. 30:02 Hey, Nick. You know, you were talking about the ministerial code just earlier. Yes. I think the ministerial code is being used as beer mats in number 10 and wrapping for Donna Kebabs because it's not being used for anything else. 30:16 Yeah, they use it to mop up the puke. 30:19 Yeah. 30:22 It's exasperating because I have a funny feeling that Johnson's going to get away with it, which is going to be really... 30:32 I can't use the word, but it's going to render me speechless because I think he's going to be... He's hetching his bet on the Sue Gray report. 30:42 The Sue Gray report is not going to touch him. It's not about him. It's not about the prime minister. It's not about ministers. It's about civil servants. She's not even going to refer to him. People think she's going to come out and say, right, that's it, you're fired. It's not going to be anything like that. And Boris Johnson has complete control over which bits of it he publishes. 31:02 Yeah, it's astonishing. And I think with people baying for blood, I think he'll just cover quiet word with his private secretary, Martin Reynolds, and say, look, I think you better resign. But don't worry, in a year's time, I'll put you in the House of Lords. 31:16 That's exactly what's going to happen. There'll be a couple of functionaries that you've never heard of who will get fired with the promise that they'll take care of them after a decent interval. 31:28 And that'll be the end of it. Oh, and on the same day that the report comes out, we'll declare war on Russia or something, or maybe Belgium. Why not? Anybody will do at this point. 31:39 Or Priti Patel will dress up like Schwarzenegger and go to the English Channel. Although apparently the queue to cross the Channel is longer than the Channel itself because of the Brexit paperwork, which is the most bizarre thing I've ever heard. But I don't know what frustrates me, and this is why I probably need your help, I don't know what frustrates me more. Either it's Boris Johnson for being Boris Johnson, i.e. incompetent and a serial liar, or... The people that back him relentlessly or sections of the media which are useless in fact-checking him, or maybe all three. 32:14 Well, not useless, deliberately don't fact-check him, deliberately repeat every untruth that he utters as though it is actually gospel. It's not an accident, it's deliberate. 32:28 Which is bizarre, because they're saying, oh, Boris Johnson, the big three things he got done. He got Brexit done. It's actually wrong. He did not get Brexit done. 32:37 Of course it is not done. It'll never be done. 32:40 And if they meant, oh, you've got to start the European Union. No, no, it was an operation of law. You could have had Larry the Cat as prime minister and we would have still left the EU because that was a legal certainty. Nothing to do with Boris Johnson. Then it came to approving a vaccine because we're out of the EU. 32:58 Also a lie. And they keep repeating it in the House of Commons and nobody stops them or calls them up about it at all. 33:06 And then it's, oh, the vaccine rollout. Well, no, that's the NHS who replicated what we do with the flu vaccine. It just shows that if the Conservative government stay well out of it, how well... That's right. 33:17 It's the only thing that's gone well about the whole thing, about the whole pandemic. The last two years, the only thing that's actually gone well, unless you were in receipt of, you know, hundreds of millions of pounds of public money, then it's gone really well for you personally. But the only thing that they actually did well was the thing that they stepped out of the way of and let the professionals take care of, which was the vaccine rollout. 33:37 So Nick, this just begs the question, what on earth has Johnson's government done that's been great in the last two years? 33:45 They've picked fights with immigrants to keep the fans on side. Look, watch out people, you're about to get submerged with this tide of immigrants that are coming over here on dinghies. despite the fact that it's an absolute trickle and that we are doing far less than practically every other country of our size and wealth on earth. 34:06 But never mind. And can I say something controversial? Uh-oh. 34:12 But how can Johnson's fans be so, so deluded? Or are they embarrassed to actually admit that they've made a huge mistake? 34:22 I think it's a bit of both. Delusion certainly plays a part of it. But loss of face to admit that you've been had while everybody around you was telling you that you were being had. is too great. So they'll never admit it. They'll just keep digging their heels in ever harder and be more determined to vote for him next time, given the opportunity. Hey, Milan, have you seen any good films lately? 34:47 Um... Axe Slasher 6. 34:50 Oh, I saw Scream 4, which wasn't that great. 34:57 But no, I've been avoiding the cinema because I'm not sure whether to go to the cinema or not because of the rate of infection. So I don't know. Have you? Have you seen any good films? 35:05 Yes, I have, but not at the cinema. So Don't Look Up. Very, very good. Very good. 35:10 Very good. I saw that. Well, it was a bit boring in the middle. Oh, come on. 35:14 It was a hoot and a half. Don't do it down. It's a very good film. It's like a more intelligent idiocracy. Same kind of subject matter. The stupidification of not just this nation, but all of nations, continues unchecked. Himalanda got to go, but thanks for that. 0345 6060 973. 35:34 Tom tweets, don't you think it's ironic that Meatloaf died in the middle of Veganuary? 35:39 No. 35:41 No. What's ironic about that? 35:44 He says, what with that and the so-called pork pie plotters and all the pork barrel politics, I'm not completely satisfied with this month so far, says Tom. 35:52 Yeah, this year seems uncannily like last year. 35:56 Almost as though the change in the date didn't actually affect a difference. 36:03 Watford. Hello, Gary. 36:04 Hello, yes. I've got a theory on this. It's like Boris Johnson is actually a distraction while everyone else goes about their little corrupt business. You know what I mean? It's like the drunk who gets into the pub or walks into the pub and he walks in there and he's staggering all over the place. He walks out the pub again and the police are watching him. 36:25 Yes. 36:25 And he's staggering, staggering about getting his car, starts the car up, drives two or three miles from the pub. This is Christmas Eve, so everyone's packed, and they all decide to drive to the pub for the evening. And the police go, we're going to have him. So they pull up, and they get him to pull into a lay-by, and they get him to bring him to the breathalyzer. Nothing. 36:42 Nothing wrong with him. Meanwhile, everybody in the pub has got in their cars and has sped in the opposite direction. That's the one. Yeah, that's the one. 36:48 I was thinking of the two Ronnies about 20 years ago, and he goes, what's your job, sir? Professional decoy. And that's exactly what he's doing. He gives everyone a foot like feet off. Everyone over is speaking about rubbish. gets caught deliberately at this party, lies through his teeth. And what are we doing? We're running around chasing after this today. And on James O'Brien's show, there's people suffering from poverty in this country. And it seems like, oh, we'll push them to one side and we'll get on with defending this country. you know, piece of rubbish. 37:21 It does blow my mind that the thing that people just drew a line in the sand about and said, right, that's it. 37:29 No more is that he, you know, walked out his back door into a party. Not the 150,000 dead people. Not the billions and billions and billions of pounds of our money that's just disappeared to... Well, absolutely nobody knows where it's gone. You tell me where it's gone. How can you spend £37 billion on a phone app? 37:52 I mean, Apple doesn't spend £37 billion inventing the blooming phone in the first place. Never mind about an app that sits on it. 38:01 And all of the underhand dealing and the conniving and the vaunting criminality, all of that was fine. Oh, we could put up with that. No problem. That's just politics as normal. 38:13 But go to a party? Holy smoke. That's it. 38:20 It does seem a bit rich, yeah. It's bizarre. And on that very true note, that's it. If you subscribe to this podcast, the next episode will get squirted up your life as though by magic on Mondays. And don't forget the other podcasts that I do. There's the one that I do with Carol McGiffin, which is a laugh riot. It's a hoot and a half. I think you'll love it. It's called What's Your Problem with Nick and Carol? Comes out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, just as this podcast does. And there is also now the Nick Abbott The Whole Show Plus, which is Nick Abbott The Whole Show with the word plus on the end. 38:56 And the plus part is that you get the whole shows ad-free. You get an extra show in which I wipe up all of the messages that I got during the Friday and Saturday shows that I couldn't get on the air and the news stories that I didn't have time to do as well. And that comes out on a Monday. It's an extra show just between you and me. And between you and me, it includes things that I can't say on the air because Tetchy Fagash is engaged in a little contest. 39:26 So the things that I couldn't say on the air, I will be saying on the podcast, and that comes out on a Monday. It's part of the offering called Nick Abbott, The Whole Show Plus. 39:37 Plus... you get a newsletter which sort of wipes up the week's news and launches us into the weekend shows. And that will be put straight into your inbox on Fridays. Nick Abbott, The Whole Show Plus is on Global Player and the new LBC app. Ask for it on an internet and near you. And I thank you for your attention to this matter. And I'll be back on the radio Friday, Saturday, Sunday night at 10. And until then, I'll be seeing you. Bye-bye. 40:07 This has been a global production.